​Expectations … what does the word mean to you? 



Here’s the actual definition - a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
"reality had not lived up to expectations"

• a belief that someone will or should achieve something

Expectations to ME is something that takes away joy of the NOW and leads to stories that can lead to well a plethora of emotions that can come from stories built in your imagination.

Once we create an expectation we immediately focus on a future that doesn’t exist… not only that but you also start to believe the stories becoming more and more attached the expectation.

Let me share some examples of how I’ve gotten in my own way by creating an expectation…. A restaurant I give it an expectation that the food is going to be amazing because I saw a picture online that looked amazing, in reality it didn’t live up to my expectation and there was a let down.

Having an expectation of an event where I prepared for so long with stories and fantasies in my head of how it would be, my outfit, the people around the music that would be played and how much I would dance and enjoy myself …. The reality the music wasn’t dancing music, the vibe wasn’t what I expected, people I thought were going weren’t there and again it didn’t live up to the expectation created by my head and there was a let down.

The exception of a date with a loved one or friend, in my head I had it all planned out… in fact this happened recently … I called my parents and told them to come for a visit and in my head I had planned a full day of dinner the movies and an adventure in the city …. The reality was they had personal relationship problems that they brought along with them and the energy was off, it wasn’t anything like I had planned in my head and there was that little sigh of being let down, although with this one since it was the most recent I’m able to change it quickly and become present enjoying the NOW.

So it’s been work for me to get out of the fantasy creation in my head I mean sometimes you can’t help it right, going on a vacation and the excitement and expectations build however excitement and exceptions kind of go hand in hand and it’s important to come back to NOW and connect to the reality of the breath and the IS-ness meaning letting go of the storied and expectations.

Relationships HAAAA!!! Truly I believe the reason many people are unhappy in relationships is because there’s always an expectation from the other person and then there’s a let down and resentment starts to build and boil inside but this is all created from stories and fantasies that aren’t real and really have NOTHING to do with the other person at all.

It’s not easy you meet a really beautiful man or woman and instantly the mind goes into fantasy mode, “oh maybe she’s/he’s the one” …"cant wait for my friends to meet her/him she’s/he’s perfect” DUDE those are fantasies and not fair to the other person.  You build up an expectation that the other person is perfect from the stories you’ve been feeding into and then when the person shows up as the person they are you’re completely let down, upset and resentful. Taking away from the beauty of experiencing the NOW with this person. 
 
It’s not easy I get it but if we could just go into all situations like children curious and open I think we would be so much more content. 

It’s work and this is why practicing being present is such a beautiful practice. How beautiful to enjoy the presence and company of another in its entirety instead of taking away from it building stories.

Expectations can also be and expectation of yourself and lead to feelings of guilt and shame if you lets say wakeup feeling not so hot and had planned all these things for yourself. 

Expectations can also be negative in the form that you’re just expecting the worst and end up worrying and anxious making yourself truly sick for no reason.

Oh the stories our little heads can come up with truly can FACK you up …. So my suggestion always come back to the breath and your body, feel the sensation sin your body… or go outside nature is the best teach it just IS. If you cannot get out to nature wash your hands, have a shower or bath or clap your hands do something to get out of your head. 

That’s all from me …. I’ve been practicing this for a while in my own life to be completely open to experiences however I’m still living this human experience so I fall but get back up my weakness is restaurants lol true story food is just so important to me, it’s that primal thing that I enjoy so much so if I’m let down I get cranky for a minute and have to come back to the NOW haha

Practice makes progress and that’s what I strive for.

LOVE YOU 

​Been a minute, busy nurture ME! 
Feeling all the feels and saging the old mierda 💩 

End of April I led a retreat in Costa Rica, it was magical, a deep dive full of transformations, beautiful experience however it's easy to guide/lead others through transformational work but its a whole other ball game to practice it and do the dirty work myself… and with that work comes LOT’S of compassion for self.

Being okay with not being okay. Not needing to pretend that I’ve got all my shit together. Learning to really take care of my inner angel while old age paradigms and programs crumble to pieces. Death and rebirth and more death and rebirth. 
Watching old pieces of me creep up as to distract me… having to drown them out with my practices and then realizing that there is no drowning them out but loving those aspects of me that really only ever wanted attention and love.

I’d have a deep profound death experience followed by a rebirth thinking “wow that was magic” then boom another death and rebirth FACK it’s been intense, uncomfortable, beautiful and messy! 

I’ve kept away from social because I didn’t need anymore distractions from feeling my feelings. Social media or not numbing is an easy copout for me and I chose to stop all distractions and dive into the most uncomfortable feelings ever… the way I did this was unconventional and came from moving my body and sitting with the pain in my body. It was really powerful and I can’t wait to share more about that all together because although I’ve experienced emotions coming up with movement/yoga  this was definitely NEXT LEVEL full on shaking and trauma leaving the body wild!

Massive breakdowns and breakthroughs as I felt into and let go of deep pain that my body was holding mainly. Serious heart and sacral work! (Perfect for May national masturbation month) 

My biggest take away from it all is that FORGIVENESS is the key to everything and really the only person I had to forgive was ME! 
Self forgiveness for anything and everything I think I’ve ever done...blasted my heart open like nothing I be very experienced before! 

Thats the Coles not and VERY short story of where I’ve been at. Choosing to share because I know others are feeing all the feels too and I want you to know I appreciate you and I honour you and I see you!

​Heartbreak
I guess it’s something I never truly allowed myself to FEEL, I’d feel it but I’d fast forward through it as much as I could. 
Really heartbreak is only the breaking open of the heart at least that’s my new perspective.


Still heartbreak ouch it hurts right. 
Each little heartbreak that isn’t felt just adds to the layers of bricks building a wall leading to a  fun uncovering of layers when you actually do decide to feel....which I’m feeling oh yes feeling it all!


I realize there was still lots of unprocessed heartbreak, I mean I don’t think I ever truly FELT a heartbreak until the passing of Rocky and since then I’ve slowly uncovered more and more un-felt unprocessed heartbreaks. 
I also realize that covering up and not feeling is an old program, “don’t cry look how ugly you look crying” “if you cry no one will be your friend” ....well then stuff them feelings so far down that you’re just a numb-bot makes sense right NAHHH! 
Well when you need to feel something to move past it, it will show up any which way. 
Now I’m no numb bot and super empathic but feeling my own feelings was always scary so I’d avoid. 
In fact avoiding is another great program that’s been deprogrammed. 
But right now where I stand or sit today I am allowing the heart to feel so I can breathe. 
The heart chakra is connected to the element of air which is our breath so after you a good cry breathing is ORGASMIC! 
Now heartbreaks aren’t all from exes in fact most of mine have nothing to do with exes and more so to do with the loss of a friendship, client, pets, rejection ...one heartbreak that I’ve recently remembered was when I was 7 and my friends stopped talking/playing  with me out of no where the amount of confusion and heartbreak was real and doing my heart chakra work has uncovered that...wild! 
So I’m feeling it, thanking it, loving it and feeling all the more whole every time I allow myself to truly FEEL.... uncomfortable messy and so yummy at the same time. 
This human experience is wild right and I alway come back to FACK it’s just a movie give me the popcorn so I can enjoy it! 
Crying and laughing go hand and I love to laugh and now love to cry too. LOVES IT!